August 20, 2014

LonCon3

The World Science Fiction Convention is a damn big convention. It has about 12,000 attendees, by my guess, and is like a giant, floating city-island, bouncing off of smaller islands and gobbling them up and making them part of itself. It is riotous and incoherent, an enthusiastic mess of programming and ideas, which is basically what a convention always should be. It’s just that WorldCon – in this case, LonCon – has the dial turned up to eleven.

But anyway, that’s enough philosophizing. Let’s skip to what you really came here for, a video of John Hornor Jacobs sneaking up on Myke Cole and slow-dancing with him.

(I am obligated to note that I paid JHJ to do it, and you can see him insist for the money at the end.)

Here is a list of stuff I did at LonCon:

1. I met Anoya, the Discworld Goddess of Things Stuck in Drawers. (My mom was thrilled.)

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2. I went to the Jo Fletcher Books anniversary party, where I learned that CITY OF STAIRS is coming out in hardback in the UK – something I had no idea of, and was delighted with – and that the JFB team had done a really, really huge job in pushing it, as one can see below.

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3. I did NOT drink this beer, which sounds like the grossest shit ever, why the fuck would you do this

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4. I might have eaten a cigarette. A hand-rolled cigarette. This takes some explaining:

At a party, John Hornor Jacobs was handed a very nice hand-rolled cigarette by Daniel Polansky. JHJ commented that he had not had a cigarette in 11 years, but he really wanted one now. I told him not to do that, that would be stupid, I’d do whatever it took to keep him from smoking that cigarette, including eating it.

He looked at me and said, “Would you eat it?” So I snatched it out of his hands and ate it immediately, filter and all.

Here is what I can say about eating a cigarette:

It is unusually spicy, in the most unpleasant manner possible. Smokers might be aware of that sort of musky, cherry-like spice to smoking tobacco – it is that, times a thousand, if you eat it. And it sticks around in your mouth, because all the shreds of tobacco get stuck in your teeth.

This caused JHJ, after a few minutes of disbelieving laughter, to turn to my wife and ask if she knew I was crazy, and she said yes she knew that, she was married to me after all, and yes he’s actually like this all the time.

As one final note, some amount of whisky had been consumed previous to this incident, but I am unable to comment on its exact quantity.

5. I kissed a robot. (They had no idea this was happening.)

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6. I did not go to the Hugos, instead choosing to go eat a truckload of high quality Indian food, but I livetweeted the events as I wished they happened.

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7. I signed a great deal of first edition copies of CITY OF STAIRS at Goldsboro books.

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If you’d like one, you can check it out here. These are available both to US and UK customers.

8. One thing I did NOT do at LonCon was talk to everyone I wished to talk to for the amount of time I wanted to talk to them. It’s virtually impossible to have the sitdown conversations with other writers that you actually want to have when coming to a con, because you want to do it with EVERYONE, thus ensuring that you’ll actually get to do it with no one. This is the double-edged sword of con fun, in that it tends toward quantity and not at all toward quality. C’est la vie, I suppose.

Anyway, more photos and stories can be found here, at my Facebook page.